When I turned 40 I was told that 40 is the new 30. But you know what, I don’t want to be 30 again, I am happy to be 43 and this idea that ageing, getting older is somehow wrong when everyone gets older, is actually shit. With age, with getting older comes life experience and for some of us wisdom, wisdom that I was missing during my 30s. So yes I am happy to be turning 44 this year. However I while I am not a mother I am not yet a Crone.
I am a spinster, a Matron, and a Matron Spinster, a Matriarch, as well as a priestess and Witch. But there is no Matriarch in the iconic triple goddess of Modern Paganism. Maiden, Mother and Crone are shown as sacred, as the holy tritiy if you will, but I find myself asking: what about that period that falls between that of Mother and Crone? I am not old enough to be a crone and I am too old to be a mother, as such. And while I didn’t have any children of my own I certainly spend time looking after and indeed mothering people around me. Even though it has taken me a while to admit that it is in my nature to take care of people around me. But I digress.. a little. I am not old enough nor wise enough to take on the mantle of Crone, there for I am Matriarch, Matron and Spinster, right?
Now let me explain, because sometimes the words matriarch, and spinster are words that have some hot button issues surrounding them.
Photo by Kylee Bowater
Matriarch as I see and for the purpose of this blog post is that age that falls between mother and crone. This understanding came about for me via several books. * Matriarch is for those who have had their children and these children are now adult or nearing adulthood, and are more independent.
Spinsters as I am claiming it is for those of us who have never had children, whether we choose not to have them, couldn’t have them or like me, never had them, and are older than expected childbearing age, if that makes sense.
This Matriarch/Spinster age, as I understand it, is that time when we become more assured of who we are and how to get what we want out of life. We have now enough life experience to gain mastery. We understand the good and the bad, dark and light, right and wrong, and realise that both has value, both will teach us important things, both are need to be in balance in order to live a full life, so to speak. I was talking with a friend and fellow Witch not so long ago about that time of Matriarch, mastery and mid life crises, and that perhaps a midlife crises arises when mastery is not realised or understood? And upon thinking about this I am beginning to get a sense that Matriarch and Mastery are quite connected in that sense. It is as though in a magical life if you do not reach some sort of Mastery then the time of Matriarch is not realised? And your crone time will become quite different. Who knows, but time will tell, eh.
I am now a confirmed and happy Spinster but not just Spinster but also Matriarch, and to some degree Matron. I am also being to understand my own mastery, not just in the things that I can do but also in how I live my life, and how to work through what life throws at me, if you will. I am not sure what this next period in my life will bring with it, but I do know that for the most part what it does throw at me I have already experienced in one way or another. I will be able to work through my life’s trials and joys with the silks I already have and at the same time learn new ones and with that, my wisdom will grow. I will continue to grow and learn and gain new understanding and insights because that for me is the roll of the Matriarch and Spinster.
Photo by Tawny Alma
* The Womens Wheel of life by Elizabeth Davis and Carol Lenard